I talked with my neighbor, Tracy Crane, about her experiences of growing up in South Africa. She grew up in a small town near Johannesburg during the time of apartheid. As a white citizen, she never had to experience the racism. She felt that it was wrong to live that way, but as a child she didn't know how to voice those opinions.
While in primary school, Tracy had her first experience of standing up for herself against another student. Since Tracy didn't believe in apartheid, she would regularly help her black neighbors in the community she lived in. She knew that it wasn't always safe to do so so she had to pick her battles and help when she could without bringing harm to herself. One day after school as she Tracy was walking home a black mother dropped a sack of groceries while juggling two small children. Tracy didn't think twice to help the mother pick up her groceries. She didn't notice that one of her white classmates was following her home and spying on her to see if she would do anything "bad". The classmate immediate started a fit with Tracy. Neither of the girls noticed that they were in front of a church when the fit started. A parish priest ran out to stop the fit and send the girls on their way home in opposite directions. Tracy said of the experience: "I am not a violent person, but I felt that defending myself was the only answer. My parents taught me to stand up for myself and especially for people who might be able to give you something in return." As part of the upper echelon of society as a white person, Tracy knew that apartheid was wrong and that being a decent human being was all that God required of her.
Growing up, Tracy's family wasn't especially well off. They had access to good education, the well paying jobs and a safe community. Even then both her parents had to work to live a comfortable life. Her mom felt like she was still expected to come home and clean and cook but saw that she was being stretched thin with her responsibilities. Tracy's mom called a family meeting and told the kids that they would need to pick up the slack. Tracy's dad would also need to help more around the house.
Tracy had a hard time when she moved to the United States. She saw that mothers and wives would schedule their "me" time in the early mornings before the kids woke up. This blew her mind. As a mother she gave up hope of ever having "me" time until after her children left the home. It was especially hard for her to schedule time for herself since her husband worked out of town the majority of the time. Her parents eventually moved in with Tracy and her family and she was able to shift some of the responsibility between herself and her parents and take an hour to herself every morning to exercise and get ready for the day before helping her kids start the day.
Talking to Tracy about her childhood in South Africa and her experiences as an adult in the United States felt familiar on a basic level. We both have experienced the balancing tricks of work, family, and taking time for ourselves on top of what society thinks we should be doing. We agreed that society shouldn't have such a firm grasp on how we decide to balance our plates. How we balance what we're doing looks different for everyone; what matters is that we do our best and ask for help when we need it.
While in primary school, Tracy had her first experience of standing up for herself against another student. Since Tracy didn't believe in apartheid, she would regularly help her black neighbors in the community she lived in. She knew that it wasn't always safe to do so so she had to pick her battles and help when she could without bringing harm to herself. One day after school as she Tracy was walking home a black mother dropped a sack of groceries while juggling two small children. Tracy didn't think twice to help the mother pick up her groceries. She didn't notice that one of her white classmates was following her home and spying on her to see if she would do anything "bad". The classmate immediate started a fit with Tracy. Neither of the girls noticed that they were in front of a church when the fit started. A parish priest ran out to stop the fit and send the girls on their way home in opposite directions. Tracy said of the experience: "I am not a violent person, but I felt that defending myself was the only answer. My parents taught me to stand up for myself and especially for people who might be able to give you something in return." As part of the upper echelon of society as a white person, Tracy knew that apartheid was wrong and that being a decent human being was all that God required of her.
Growing up, Tracy's family wasn't especially well off. They had access to good education, the well paying jobs and a safe community. Even then both her parents had to work to live a comfortable life. Her mom felt like she was still expected to come home and clean and cook but saw that she was being stretched thin with her responsibilities. Tracy's mom called a family meeting and told the kids that they would need to pick up the slack. Tracy's dad would also need to help more around the house.
Tracy had a hard time when she moved to the United States. She saw that mothers and wives would schedule their "me" time in the early mornings before the kids woke up. This blew her mind. As a mother she gave up hope of ever having "me" time until after her children left the home. It was especially hard for her to schedule time for herself since her husband worked out of town the majority of the time. Her parents eventually moved in with Tracy and her family and she was able to shift some of the responsibility between herself and her parents and take an hour to herself every morning to exercise and get ready for the day before helping her kids start the day.
Talking to Tracy about her childhood in South Africa and her experiences as an adult in the United States felt familiar on a basic level. We both have experienced the balancing tricks of work, family, and taking time for ourselves on top of what society thinks we should be doing. We agreed that society shouldn't have such a firm grasp on how we decide to balance our plates. How we balance what we're doing looks different for everyone; what matters is that we do our best and ask for help when we need it.
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